I have been back at work for a month now, I work two full days a week in an office. I have found it difficult to get out on time in the morning to get Thomas to his Grandma’s in time to ensure I am not late. No matter how much time I spend preparing everything the night before – His clothes, meals etc and no matter how early I get up we seem to run out of time so quickly in the mornings. Thomas usually wakes around 6:30am which works out quite well, but the past couple of weeks he has had a cold, so he has woken in the night for an extra feed, which of course means he wants to lie in a bit longer in the morning – I just haven’t had the heart to wake him especially as he has been ill. Consequently I have been getting into work 10 – 15 mins late which is not good as I am only there 2 days as it is I dont want them firing me for lateness! Thomas is much better now, his sleeping pattern has returned to normal so we should be ok this week fingers crossed

The past month has been a roller coaster of emotions, I have hated having to leave him for 2 x days but I have done my very best to ensure he has everything he needs while he is at his Grandmas! I also bob over to see him on my lunch break and I am home early to give him his tea so its not as bad as I know it is for some working mums. It is still hard though I do prefer being a full time mum. Many parents enjoy working as it gives them a bit of independence and adult conversation…I would prefer to have the luxury of 7 full days with Thomas, although unfortunately we need my wage coming in at the moment.

The good thing is Thomas has settled well at his Grandmas on the 2 days he is there, he naps well there and enjoys playing. They have a black labrador who is very soft and gently the dog is scared of Thomas but Thomas loves watching him move around the house – Of course the dog is never left alone with him as you can never be 100% sure. The important thing is that knowing Thomas settles well there has made me leaving him a lot easier, as much as I hate leaving him it is bearable knowing that he will have a fun day with Grandma.

I have to warn my readers that this blog is a little soppy, I want to write everything down while it is all fresh in my mind – How I am feeling, my emotions, its a personal blog entry today but I don’t mind sharing it with my readers as someone may be able to relate to how I am feeling, and my words could possibly provide some comfort and thought.

6:45am Thomas woke with his usual babble I could hear over the monitor, I waited a few moments trying to wake myself up hoping he would settle back down, but he didn’t so I got out of bed and went to his room to see him, via the bathroom to splash my eyes with some cold water He gave me a huge beaming smile between the bars of his cot, a smile big enough to put any mum in a good mood. We went downstairs where I proceeded to do the usual morning routing – Changed nappy, baby TV to keep him amused on his mat while I prepared his bottle and Ready Brek. After his morning feed I turn the TV off and sit Thomas on his play mat with cushions behind him in case he wobbles. I sit with him and play with him for a while, I then make myself a drink and leave him to play by himself with me sat on the couch watching.

This morning I decided to go a little crazy like you do to get a smile from your baby! Thomas has started to bob his head to music, he is so funny! I put some music on my laptop and had a boogie with him, he loved it. By this time it was getting near 9am he usually goes down for a morning nap at 9am, so to calm the mood I played our favourite sleepy song – Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I sang and cuddled him on my knee, before I knew it I found myself crying! Not with sadness but with love. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I looked down on him, the amount of love I have for him, How I would do anything for him! How Nathan and I have created such a beautiful baby I was full of emotion. Trying not to let him see me cry I wiped my eyes when the song had finished and carried him back to bed for his nap. He was tired out after a morning of fun and song, it wasn’t long before he fell asleep.

I keep thinking about why my emotions were so high this morning, we have listened to that song numerous times before without provoking such feelings. I am due to go back to work part time next month, Thomas is spending a couple of days a week with his Grandma which I know he will love. But I’m not sure if I am ready, its a huge step which has been playing on my mind now for some time now I love him so much. I am sure I will have many more moments of emotion over the coming months.

It is a hard thing to do, go back to work after having a baby – What are your thoughts on this topic? I would love to hear your thoughts, are you going through the same thing?